so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
