she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
