I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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