i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
