last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
