Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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