so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
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I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
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Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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