You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
