The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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