there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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