I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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