I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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