I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Is Oprah even human
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
