no, he came in my armpit
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
