The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
