Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i think im in europe. pls send help
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
