There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
