My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
