I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
