he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
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