Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
