I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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