Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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