i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
