I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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