wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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