Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
