Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
its not stalking. its research.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
