My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
