just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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