I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
