im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
