Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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