Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
