yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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