Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My feet surprised me
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
