He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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