I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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