Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
