last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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