I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
