she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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