I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
