she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
