Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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