God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
