Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm both gender and math confused
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
