apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
