i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
