dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
