There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
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Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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