I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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