SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
