he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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