I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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