summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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