Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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