This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
