It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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