i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
