No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
