I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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