Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
