I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
