Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
