Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
