Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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