this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
