we made out on top of his cat.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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