you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
