I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
