I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
