hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
