Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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