More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
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I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
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What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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